you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
