Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
