I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
