Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
