a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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