Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
