her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
