just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
