Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
