Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
