The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My balls are so social today.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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