So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
