she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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