eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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