Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
we're making bets on your personal life
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
