So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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