I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
