Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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