bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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