Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
