But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
