If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
