I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
