I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
