I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
