im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
this hospital has no fireball
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
