He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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