they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
