I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
