now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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