blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
