Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
