just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
