I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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