so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
