very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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