we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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