Ambien. No doubt about it.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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