My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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