those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
