yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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