I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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