i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
