Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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