So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
