I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
