i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
farters have to be the big spoon...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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