My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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