dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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