I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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