All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
