no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
