you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
