Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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